Editors Letter: Mother’s Day and Mourning

My Mum and I

Readers, 

Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries , Mondays through to Fridays (even the weekend) are all difficult days to mourn the loss of a loved one. When that loved one is a parent, Mother’s and Father’s day are extra tough. I understand that because of the chaos COVID-19 has unleashed upon the world this Mother’s Day may be a tough one for a lot of you, my heart goes out to you and I encourage that if you are unable to be with your mum in person you should give her a call, a face time, tell her how special she is to you, if you can. For me , this has been a hard day since I was a child, since I lost my mum around fourteen years ago. The month leading up is filled with advertisements and reminder emails to ‘get your mum something special this year’ , and although I appreciate the sentiment of it all, it is really hard not to get bogged down in it. It’s not just me, lots of people I love find Mother’s Day extra hard. Friends who have lost their mums, family members who have lost their children, people I adore who unfortunately do not have the best relationship with their mothers. Every year I remind myself how to cope with it. Try to stay off social media, away from everyone’s posts about their wonderful mums , taking time for myself, contacting friends and my amazing family for a chat or a cry if I need to. It is still very hard. But if you find this day hard ; this is my best advice. Reach out. Take a moment to remind yourself that you are not alone in this , if it’s your mum that you’re missing, listen to the music that she loved. If you are in a different situation, do whatever you need to do to look after yourself. It is not selfish to do this, I remember thinking in the past that I didn’t want to make a day about mothers (as someone who is definitely not a mother) about myself. You are not doing this by asking for help. I am not doing this by posting my thoughts.You are not guilty of anything. 

You are allowed to laugh today, you are allowed to enjoy something funny sent to you by a friend, or your favourite comedy, you are allowed to pretend today is just like any other day. There are no obligations for you to do anything that you do not want to do . Grief is the strangest pain in the world, a lot of the time it goes away just as fast as it comes, and it comes and goes at the most unexpected times. By all means, do things to celebrate the mother or the child that you are missing, or do whatever you want to do to distract yourself from all the things the world has told you you are meant to do today. It is entirely up to you. If you are lucky enough to not fall into any of the aforementioned categories that may make Mother’s Day a difficult one, check up on your loved ones that you know may find it hard. And of course, hold your loved ones extra close

Be kind to yourself, 

Sam.

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